Possibly the worst greeting card ever

Greeting cards are pretty bad, usually. But this just might be the worst:

Created by yours truly.

professional cleaner, professional editor

You know how communal spaces don't stay clean? (Think of the apartment you shared with five strangers. Now think of the kitchen. I think you know what I mean.) No one is willing to take responsibility for the upkeep of those sorts of spaces, unless they're getting paid.

Call me a neat freak, call me OCD. Call me what you will. (If that thing you call me is mean, though, please don't tell it to my face.) I admit that I am frequently the one who takes the responsibility for maintaining cleanliness of shared spaces. My roommates loved me! I often cleaned the kitchen, the living room, and my room (which was always shared).

Former roommates, back me up on this.

I love having my own place now where there are no neglected communal spaces. But at work, the communal space problem is ever-present. There are plenty of neglected areas around the office. And I have been known from time to time to be the one who cleans those areas.

Consider the following:

An "award" given to me at a work retreat:

An old Facebook status update:

So yesterday, we got a memo saying that the services of professional cleaners have been secured to clean the break rooms weekly.

I fully support this, but I seriously want to submit an application to the VP of HR, who wrote the memo, for this job. In my cover letter, I might say, "I've cleaned the break room on my floor from time to time. Please consider contributing the money you might devote to a professional cleaning service instead to an increase in my salary, and I will then consider adding weekly break room cleaning to my job responsibilities. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you!"

incredible employees deserve Mickey D's

In our department at work, they asked for nominations for "incredible employees" as part of an initiative to make this place a great place to work. A nice coworker anonymously nominated me and I was selected.

(I think they really didn't have a whole lot of nominations. I know I sure didn't nominate anyone out of laziness/forgetfulness. So it probably wasn't much of a competition, but it was exciting anyway. I win!!!!!!!)

I was informed I would be getting a small reward shortly after the meeting in which these "incredible employees" were recognized. The e-mail was to make sure the addresses they had on file for us were correct.

Yesterday was a momentous day. The reward came in the mail. (I win!!!!!!) Tim called me up and told me about it. He read me the letter, and then he told me what the reward was.

"I've been waiting since Friday to know what this is!" I said.

"It's a $15 McDonald's gift card!" he replied.

Awesome.

P.S. The last time I ate at McDonald's was on October 13. I remember the day clearly. I was driving back from Boise, Idaho (by myself), and was famished. I stopped in Burley and ordered a McChicken and small fries. Even though the meal cost $2.13, it wasn't worth it. My stomach was having issues the remainder of my drive home. I just can't handle processed foods that well, and if you thought I was a snob about food, that might be part of the reason. Also, I'm kind of a snob about food.

Thanksgiving 2010

I really love that I got two days of vacation for . . . what? A holiday devoted to food? Yes, please! (And I'm convinced that the meaning of the Thanksgiving holiday goes no further, as shameful as it is.) I'm a big fan of food, generally. If I were to make a menu for my own food-related holiday, though, it would not involve traditional Thanksgiving fare. Just saying.

Dennis Peacock

I just think this is really funny because the quote is attributed. So every time someone says "life is good," if they're not saying "Dennis Peacock said that," then they're totally plagiarizing.

Am I right?