05 November 2014

an outlet right now

I think I've avoided this space somewhat as a consequence of too many considerations about audience, but who reads this blog anyway? I'm going to revisit it as an outlet for expression, maybe, and see how I feel about it.

I am approximately 34 weeks pregnant right now. That is a little generous maybe because it's probably closer to 33, but I am in need of a little generosity on pregnancy timeline right now. Six weeks doesn't seem like much, really, in the scheme of things, but pregnancy always feels interminable, it seems. My mental health hasn't been too great of late. I guess antenatal depression is a thing for me? Pregnancy is really the pits. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next six weeks (to nine?) when I think about them in a lump, but I try not to do that. One day at a time is the way to plod through. Maybe I should do some more long-term future planning and considerations, but sometimes decisions are too much and deciding not to decide and trying to go with the flow is a little bit more manageable.

And today has been an okay day.


Tracie said...

Congrats! I don't think I knew you were pregnant! Did you find out if you're having a boy or girl?

I'm expecting a baby girl in Feb/March. :)

Also, pregnancy is long and hard. I'm already looking forward to NOT being pregnant.

Margaret said...

I'm so sorry, Amanda! Congratulations on the pregnancy, but the depression does sound rough. I'm hoping things improve once your little one arrives. Let me know if it does not. If you just need to chat, I am all ears (and eyes, in this case)!

Rachel // Maybe Matilda said...

I still read :-)

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I think we have opposite pregnancy experiences--the closer I get to a due date, the more I frantically think, "Maybe the baby should just stay in there a little longer," and people always comment about how I probably can't wait to have the baby, and I think, "eeehhhhh, I'm okay." I mean, yes, I get grouchy and achy and all, but I am firmly planted in the POSTpartum depression camp, so as long as the baby stays in, I'm more or less mentally stable. If only we could combine my pregnancy okay-ish-ness with your postpartum mental health (right? unless antenatal depression is a precursor to PPD? I hope not!). Best of luck making it through. Sounds like you have a good perspective. I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of the little lady :-)

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